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Publisert Legg igjen en kommentar til DONE. (relieved)
I haven’t had the best couple of days lately. I've been feeling horrible, and like I’m drowning in work, drowning in stupid figures (oh, those stupid figures, and thank goodness for Anders, who have spent too much time helping me analyse these data, and make good fits). I haven't slept well; I've been having strange dreams about how Anders is a graph, and I'm the area beneath it (I'm an integral for crying out loud!), and that I can't oversleep since I'm late with a deadline, and so on. Kind of stressful. 
That’s, of course, the reason why I’ve been quiet here, and I’ve hated that port too (there’ve been some tears, I promise). But today I finished several figures, and now there’s only one more left for this article, and this analysis. That makes me fu****g H.A.P.P.Y.
yup, this makes me happy 😛
what I'm working on tomorrow - I'm still hopeful <3 (when I' come to thing about it, I think the mass number here is 234, and not 233)

I can start the week (last week before summer holiday with Alexandra) tomorrow with a more optimistic view on everything; maybe I'll actually reach my goal, of finishing this article before the holidays.
Right now I'm working at Villa Paradiso with Vibeke (Mattedama, from House of Math); we've had a great session, with antipasto, a glass of wine, talk, laughter, and, of course, work - perfect Sunday work session! But I think it's time to head home very soon, so that I can get to bed, and get up early tomorrow, to start making that last (last, last, LAST!) figure for this article.
today's happy worklook

So, finally I feel a little bit like not a total looser – hopefully that feeling will last longer than until lunch tomorrow... 😉 Only one more figure to make!!!


Publisert Legg igjen en kommentar til There'll be no summer holyday before…
There's no way I can go on vacation before I've finished this article. 
No. Way.
Therefore I'm quite focused these days, and luckily my big problems from Monday turned out to be not so big after all 🙂 Therefore I'm much happier than I was on Monday, even though I'm tired (we just got back home from work, and there's no reason we should be home earlier tomorrow). But long days is a good prize to pay for a real vacation where I can actually relax and focus 100% on Alexandra and Anders and having fun <3

Kind of crazy, though, that this screen makes me happier, (since there are obviously issues that need to be dealt with here) but that's actually the case:

(Doesn't my plots look like the drawing of the elephant inside the snake in The little Prince? We're reading this book to Alexandra these days, and she really likes it <3)

So I made a to do list:
- there are three figures that need to be made. Two of them will hopefully be finished by the end of tomorrow
- I need to get stuff into tables. I'm not sure how many, but there are at least three more tables than need attention
- finish the "what did I do to get these results"-part of the article, which is almost finished already
- write the "discuss the results and the uncertainties in the results"-part of the article, which is not almost finished
- write a sexy abstract
- find another title for the article than "The statistical nightmare: the nuclear level density and gamma ray strength function of uranium-234" (thanks to Vetle for this suggestion :P)

MUST
FINISH
BY
THE
END
OF NEXT WEEK
!!!
(since after that, Alexandra has no kintergarden anymore...)

11

Publisert 11 kommentarer til When you want to give up…
...this is one those days. One of those days where everything seem hopeless, and it feels like I just want to give up and cry.
I spent most of this day working on a plot, but the only thing I realised was that I have to go back and change another figure. AGAIN. For the one hundredth time - seriously. And after I've done that, I can start trying to understand the program that's suppose to make this other figure. One step forward and two steps back, in other words. 
F***K.
my screen before I found out what I was doing was wrong

my screen when I found out...
It just feels like this is how it's been for too long now. I must admit I'm really starting to hate this article, and if the rest of this PhD will take as long as this article I will actually never finish. So I think the only thing I can do (except for giving up right here, right now) is to use brute force and finish it (that goddam article) this week.
I just came home now, and changed from my wet clothes into my new favourite at home outfit: this caftan from H&M <3 So even if I feel like shit, I feel cooler in this than in sweats, but the caftan is at least as comfortable 🙂
I'm ready to do this (I hope...), and Anders just promised me to be there all the way (again <3), and now he also just suggested we work together for two hours every day. I'm really lucky to have a partner like that!
Hope all of you are having a better Monday than I am...:P

1

Publisert 1 kommentar til Long day at work…
Finally home from work...! 
It's always a little crazy when we're doing experiments - meaning this "workday" started at my office yesterday before lunch, then I went to Vestby VGS to give a talk to the students  there, and check out all their science projects (thank you so much for inviting me, I had a great time), and then it was straight back to the University and our lab, and finally the "workday" ended a two hours ago. 
When I got to the lab last night (a little bit before eleven) I learned that the "beam out of range"-alarm had stopped working, which means that the only way of actually knowing that the experiment is doing what it's supposed to be doing, is by watching the instruments continuously... I was still allowed to sleep, though, as long as I sat an alarm for every other hour, and then checked on the experiment. Luckily, the cyclotron was behaving like a saint, so I could actually get that sleep for two hours at a time.
Everything for science, I guess 😉
(no alarm for me this night...I actually missed that super annoying loud ringing)

We're measuring stuff on a piece of wolfram this time (bombarding it with deuterons, which is one proton and one neutron - heavy hydrogen nuclei, actually), trying to learn more about how the elements are created, and so far the experiment seems to be a success (everything is working and the data we get look clean and all; but we won't really know for sure before the data are analysed, of course 😉 )
Now I'm going to take a quick shower, and then crawl into bed, to rest for an hour or two, before I'll pack our bags since we're going to a wedding in Førde this weekend, then I have some writing to be done (deadline tomorrow), and then I need to get Alexandra in kindergarten and then we're leaving <3

1

Publisert 1 kommentar til Nothing?
My PhD life today.
mother and daughter, going swimming, no fighting
What I did do:

  • discussions with Cecilie (thank you so much for listening to all my silly questions - you're super patient and great!)
  • working on figures; implementing what Cecilie suggested (not yet done)
  • take Alexandra to her swimming lessons
  • laundry - my dress for Jørgen and Janne's wedding this weekend is now clean, same goes for Alexandra's outfit <3
  • fight with Alexandra

daughter after swimming, playing in Akerselven, before fighting
What I didn't do:
  • answer e-mails
  • prepare for my talk at Vestby VGS tomorrow (not entirely true, since a lot of my preparations for these kinds of talks happen in my head, and I can't really start or stop it, it just happens 🙂 )
  • make a detailed milestone plan for the rest of my PhD
It's really one of these days where I feel like almost didn't do anything, even though that's not entirely true...:/

2

Publisert 2 kommentarer til Why are my stupid plots stupid?!? (#phdlife)
Oh, I get so frustrated...!
This day started great; I was sort of on a roll with making nice figures for thesis and papers, and then someone told my I should look into some stuff (some threshold for some electronics), and I did, and I realised some of my plots look really strange :/ I mean, they're not supposed to be like that, going up and down like that systematically - nature isn't that "pretty"...  (Nature is pretty, but it doesn't work like this plot over here.) And I can't figure it out, so I'm back to feeling stupid again 😛
Baaah.
I guess this is a good time to freshen up my make-up and go get my nails done - just gonna spend one Pomodoro on a paper I'm planning to write about thorium; like "what's the deal with thorium and what are the options and what are people around the world doing in this field" 😉
See you <3

2

Publisert 2 kommentarer til Why is the nuclear sweat from fission always the same?
Not a bad start to this week; I've "finished" my draft for Sunniva, sent it away to her, and planned for us to meet tomorrow. I've also caught up with the fission gamma analysis (it really is that way; if I'm away from some kind of analysis or something for more than two days, it's always a lot of work to get into it again - luckily I get better and better at writing good notes, and keep everything in a system, so I know what I did and how I thought, and therefore it's not so often anymore that I have to spend an entire day just trying to understand what I was thinking the last time I was working on that particular problem), and I actually think I'm ready to start producing the actual figures that will go into the article about these gamma rays that comes when a nucleus fissions 🙂 That will be my third article, which means that I really have enough for my entire PhD...:D And last but not least, my poster for PhD day came, and is now hanging at the Science Library. Omg. I must admit I think it looks kind of pretty (at least I think I'll win the competition for the most pink poster - but nuclear physics and pink goes well together, right? 😉 ).

The title for my poster is Why is the nuclear sweat from fission always the same?, and if you come to the poster session on Friday (11 AM at the Science Library) I'll be there and explain everything. Also, if you think I deserve it, you can vote for my poster as the "audience choice" - but then you'll have to be there 😉

Publisert Legg igjen en kommentar til One small step…
...at a time...
Today is another day where I feel I've been highly ineffective, but is still not sure if that's true.
I have read four(?) articles (when I say "read" I don't really mean read, like picking up the article, starting at the first side, and read all six pages or whatever; but more like, pick up an article, scroll down to the place where it's written something about the stuff I'm working on right now, read that part and look at most of the tables), and looked at two PhD theses. I've discussed a paragraph in my article with Sunniva, about some part of my analysis, that I don't really understand (which is what I've tried to figure out by reading all these articles and theses), and I have actually come one step closer. The second last section of my article is now close(r) to finished.
So, the conclusion of todays work is that I did manage to clean up some of the analysis mess in my head (and also in my article :D), and that means that I walked one more step on that long road that leads towards my PhD. And no matter how small that step is, it still takes me one (tiny) step closer to the goal - meaning it's so worth it.
At least that's how I envisioned it today 😉
Wish you all a great weekend! We're actually going camping at Langøyene tomorrow. Alexandra's never slept in a tent before, so that will be interesting. I've heard it's supposed to be colder tomorrow, but I'm crossing my fingers the FANTASTIC weather will just stay the same!
Kisses <3

Publisert Legg igjen en kommentar til Six plots (#phdlife)
Today has been a good day; meaning I've worked continuously all day, and feeling like I've been effective. Still, when I look at what I've actually accomplished, it doesn't really look like much: six different ways of plotting one of the resonances I'm studying - to try to see if there is some kind of pattern in it. 
Pattern hunting.
Good thing is that I've might have found something, but I'm not sure before I've discussed it with Sunniva tomorrow.
I also managed to write a couple of sentences on my article...
BTW: I finished my poster for PhDDay, which is next Friday, yesterday, so that's good 🙂 I wish I'd had more time to work on it, but I'm quite happy with the result (guess three times if it's pink 😉 ), and now it's just to wait for the poster session and see how it goes... If you're at the University at 11 (AM) next Friday, you're welcome to stop by and check out our posters of our research.

Publisert Legg igjen en kommentar til It's getting real…
I am so sorry I've been away for a week now, but Jon (my supervisor from Paris) was here, and we've been working more or less non stop. Don't get me wrong; I love these kinds of visits, and of course there's also been time for socialising after a long day at the office - what Jon calls work hard, play hard.
If we'd skipped the socialising bit I guess I would've had time for updating here, but the part where we're actually also friends, and not just colleagues is so important - I don't even really see that as an option. Therefore I'll repeat: I'm sorry I've been away, but I'm not really sorry for the choices I've made; we've made great progress and had a lot of fun at the same time.
play hard - Sunniva and Sunniva at Herregårdskroen <3
But to the title; yes, it's all getting real now... 
We went through the article that's almost finished, and even though we didn't finish it completely (which was sort ofa a goal), I feel really close now - and sure that I'll make this last part by myself 🙂
We worked on the gamma rays, and we did start the next article. 
And me and Jon went through the entire outline for my thesis, and he said something I took as a big compliment: I'm not at all worried about you writing this thing, you'll do a great job, I'm sure of it. Jon really is Mr. WorriedGuy, so when he says something like this, it really means a lot 🙂
I feel like from now on it may come more weeks like this one, where I actually won't have time for updating the blog. Wish it wasn't so, but then again it feels really great to take these leaps forward, towards the finishing line. It's still a lot to do, but tomorrow I hope to finish the last big "hole" in my article, and if Sunniva approves, we'll send it off to all the co-authors (that won't happen tomorrow, sine I know Sunniva'll have quite a lot of comments, and then I'll have to fix all those, but then maybe it's time...;) ).
Another thing that's getting real is Alexandra becoming a big girl; today she had her preschool visit at her school; in just two and a half months she'll be a real school girl. That's such a big leap, and somehow it feels surreal and fantastic and almost sad (not really sad, but "strange sad" that she's not a little girl anymore) - all at one time <3